Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things, either.

Today in 1990, the first McDonald's opened in Moscow, more than 20 years after the chain went global.

When you're in deep water, it's a good idea to keep your mouth shut.

Today in 1948, Indian pacifist Mohandas Gandhi was assassinated by a Hindu extremist named Nathuram Godse.

When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt it.

Today in 1813, Jane Austen's most famous novel, "Pride & Prejudice," was published.

Today in 1870, the first sorority, Kappa Alpha Theta, was founded by four women at DePauw University.

Today in 1948, Ronald Reagan married actress Jane Wyman after costarring with her in "The Good Rat."

Today in 1924, Chamonix, France hosted the first Winter Olympic Games. There were six sports featured.

The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your arm.

Today in 1901, Queen Victoria died after ruling England for nearly 64 years. She was succeeded by Edward VII.

Don't go knocking on death's door. Just ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Today in 1793, King Louis XVI was beheaded for treason. His queen, Marie Antoinette, followed 9 months later.

Today in 1966, Indira Gandhi, the daughter of Jawaharlal Nehru, was elected Prime Minister of India.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, you won't be needing him again.

Today in 1943, the high-capacity Pentagon building was dedicated in Arlington, Virginia.

The human body was designed so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Today in 1690, a German instrument maker invented the clarinet. Early clarinets had only 2 keys!

Today in 1963, the first disco in America, "Whisky a Go Go," opened in a former bank on L.A.'s Sunset Strip.

The only substitute for bad manners is good reflexes.

Today in 1863, the London Underground Railway opened its first section of track, starting at Paddington.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Today in 2006, "The Phantom of the Opera" surpassed "Cats" as the longest-running show on Broadway.

Today in 1610, Galileo observed four moons of Jupiter, which he named Io, Europa, Ganymede and Callisto.

Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who decided to stand their ground.

Love your enemies. It'll make them absolutely crazy.

If you see a turtle on a fence post, he had some help getting there.

Today in 1987, Aretha Franklin became the first woman inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. RESPECT!

Today in 1974, President Nixon signed a bill lowering the maximum national speeding limit to 55 mph.

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed - easy to get into, difficult to get out of.

Today in 1772, the first traveller's cheques were sold in London. They were valid in 90 European cities.